Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
