just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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