I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize