Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
