Ambien. No doubt about it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
