i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
