I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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