I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
