if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
