he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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