Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
