So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
