this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
