You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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