I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
how does that bad decision feel?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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