I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
