I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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