her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
