I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
soo... how was my night?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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