Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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