i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
