I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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