She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
