belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
