her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
