Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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