Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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