i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
