I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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