So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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