well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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