I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
