my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
