Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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