Where are you?
In a non slutty way
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
