what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
