Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
