i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
