Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Another day, another engagement, another cat
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
