Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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