Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize