wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
