I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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