Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
