you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
