I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
