Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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