ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
