mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
