I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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