At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
