Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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