This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
