Quick, to the slutcave!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
