A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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