all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
