do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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