I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Panties = found
Randomize
