Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
