i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Farmville is her only friend.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
