Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
