Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize