hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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