here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
