i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
