Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
