I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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