How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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