Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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