I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
