I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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