dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
