Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
