Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We talked him into tasing himself.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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