god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
