I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
