handjob tips. give me some.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
