There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
