He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
