my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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