I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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