I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
