she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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