1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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